Will Macabre reporting for BBC news from the Boland, South Africa. John, we have galeforce winds down here in the Boland. I thought I'd seen it all, but by golly, you haven't seen nature like this! Surely Global Warming is making its voice heard now. It's borderline cataclysmic, acorns are flying all over the place, squirrels are going hungry! Very similar to Polar bears drowning because of the lack of floating ice. We've been walking the streets for 2 days looking for people. Most of the local population have actually boarded up their windows and called their pets indoors. By the grace of Adam we did find a lost soul at a place many refer to as the mothership, situated along the breathtaking Clarence drive. This descendent of Adam had braved all the odds to pursue his love for the ocean. One has to ask oneself when you look into the flaming red holes, were there might once upon a time have been eyes, if this is passion or madness? I don't know the answer John, but I do know this man was clutching a piece of paper.
One of the guys in IT recognized the man pictured here, or atleast thinks he does. He reckons that this is indeed long time Calvin Klein model Jared Houston. We then dug further in our archives and realized that this might very well be the last picture of the famed Houston. Apparently after this photo was taken Mr. Houston left for Hawaii. The story goes that on a certain day at a certain time Jared Houston rode a Pipeline Beast and as the behemoth spat out its lungs (?) there was no Jared Houston among the lungs. Some say they still see him inside the Pipeline to this day. We say that this sounds more like an ancient Norse myth. One particular Australian fellow in the office did yell "Yeeeeew" very loudly when he witnessed this picture. Its a strange world.
It doesn't make sense to me, it seems as if the individual pictured has found a way to harness the power of the ocean and project himself to the heavens. However, this does not resemble the individual we found today. This begs me to make the conclusion that this poor soul is hellbent on replicating what is pictured here. It is as if some invisible force drives him, as if doing this will bring him great joy. We can but ponder, John, and as the end of the world does not seem far now, maybe we can rejoice in how strongly it makes people want to accomplish their ideals, no matter how silly or strange. Before the individual left he looked into the wind, smiled and ushered a single word: "Sand...". I don't know John, I just know anymore. People are finding joy in the small things once more. If these winds keep it up there might not be a tomorrow, but if there is one, then I'll still be here. I will bring you your news Europe, I won't fail you fellow countrymen. For BBC news, I am Will Macabre, standing on what might possibly be the eve of the Apocalypse. God bless you and AMERICA!